There are moments in my day when I know Hayes is saying, "Mommy, smile because I'm right here." Some moments are subtle, but others are so big, that I have to tell people around me. I've decided to keep track of all those BIG HAYES tinted moments.
September 3: Cousin Mack: My amazing sister in law was pregnant at the same time as me. Amber I love you! Her husband and her were having their first child, Mack. There was a scare a few days before baby Mack made his entrance into this world and all I could do was pray and ask Hayes to watch over his cousin. Well, Mack made his big debut and everything went smoothly. When we made it to the hospital to meet our new nephew, we were stunned to see the name of the doctor on call for Mack. I can't wait to tell baby Mack that his cousin in Heaven has been watching over him ever since the day he was born.
October 5: King of Country concert: I asked Hayes to join us at the concert because I knew he would like the music. This is who was sitting near our seats.
October 25: Driving to Color Me Rad packet pick-up: I thought I had gotten lost while driving out to pick up packets for a fun run we were doing to honor Hayes. I decided to pull the car over and type the address into my phone to give me step by step directions on how to get to the venue from where I was actually at. When I pushed "start" the lady began giving me directions. The very first thing she said was, "Turn right onto Hayes Ln." My mouth dropped open to look around for the street sign with his name on it. There was not a street sign or side road in sight. That was my little man telling me that I was going in the right direction. I know that I will never get lost again because I have Hayes in my heart leading me.
November 4: Baylor basket:
I talked to Hayes all day today. I just had to constantly remind him how proud I am to be his Mommy and that my love for him grows each day. I asked him this morning to give me another tinted moment. When I thought I might not get a "Big" moment today, my husband brought home a surprise. He was given a basket at work to honor Hayes' birth. They accidentally got his birthday wrong, but this is another moment that reminds me that my little man will always tell me that he's here. Thank you for my reminders sweet baby Hayes.
November 8: Strong name:
This week has been hard. Hayes' due date was supposed to be this Saturday, and instead of anxiously awaiting the arrival of our baby boy, we are mourning our loss. Today has been an especially difficult day. Hayes would have been three months old. Although I have a heavy heart, I have to remember that Jesus is throwing Hayes an out of this world celebration. Our family members that have gone before us get to rejoice with our sweet baby as he is turning three months old. Jesus is at his party! And what a day to have a Hayes moment! My sweet friend Crystal made us an amazing piece of art. It's make up is strong and can't be easily broken. Just like our baby. Just like our spirit and trust in God. Once again, Hayes is dropping little reminders that he is okay.
November 14: Hayes' song: I had a moment today. I was at the gym trying to complete a post-pregnancy workout, which is a chore now, and as I was doing step ups, I notice a lady nearby working out and she was pregnant. Something just hit me and sadness began to overwhelm me. I had to gather my things and rush out of the gym so nobody saw me crying. Once I got to my car, tears were welling up. I turned on my car with my head low. My radio stays on K-Love and when the car started, my radio began immediately playing the song we played for Hayes almost every night while I was in the hospital on bedrest. "Oceans" by Hillsong United. That is his song. We played it for Hayes while he was in my belly and as we were sitting alone with him at the funeral home while our family was waiting outside. Each time I hear it, it reminds me of my little boy. Hayes coming to my rescue again. Now my tears of sadness turned to tears of joy as I thought of my son. He always comes to my rescue.
January 8, 2014: Always to my rescue:
As I was driving home from a meeting with my March of Dimes rep, K-Love was on my radio. This station has been a lifeline so many times over the last five months. A nurse called in and was asking for prayer. She was explaining that a patient came into the hospital at 28 weeks pregnant and was going into labor. She ended up losing both of her twins. All these negative emotions started to rise up inside of me. My heart began to hurt for this woman that I have never met as I remembered all the feelings of sadness that I experienced on the day we lost Hayes. Just as tears were welling up in my eyes, the K-Love DJ's began to play a song. What song would I need at that very moment? Hayes' song. That's what I got. As his song started to play, all those negative emotions were flushed out of my mind and I was overwhelmed with peace. Hayes came to my rescue yet again. I know he hates to see me cry so he made this song play. My tears dried up and all I could do was smile thinking about my little boy. I pray the woman I have never met finds the same peace that I find on a regular basis. I pray her twins send her blessings each day, just like Hayes does for us. I love you Hayes.
January 9: Hayes says hi to Grandma:
Hayes is now branching out and giving others beautiful moments to let them know he's watching over them. My Mom sent me this picture of a sign in a front yard. I think he just wanted to say Hi Grandma. I love you!
February 21, 2014
I have coached a high school soccer team for the past 5 years, and this season I decided to have someone else take over. It was a tough decision because I love coaching, and my group of girls have always been such outstanding young ladies on and off the playing field. Several of my girls even came to visit me in the hospital during my bedrest with Hayes and they attented his viewing. Like I said, amazing young ladies who have hearts of gold! Well, this season, the girls created a new Game Day shirt and surprised us by honoring Hayes on the shirts. They had the letters HH placed inside a heart on the right sleeve. When I saw this, I immediately cried. Our little Hayes is being honored on a soccer field every Tuesday and Friday. Not many parents are lucky enough to say this. My hope is that when parents and students buy these shirts, they will know about our sweet angel in Heaven. There he goes again making an impact in people's lives. When the girls wear the shirts, I'm sure opposing players and parents ask what the HH means, and then there is another opportunity for everyone to know about an important little man who fought a good fight. Well, today, out of nowhere I had a craving for a Sonic Blast. Haven't had one since high school, so it truly was out of the blue. I should have known Hayes wanted me at Sonic at that time. I saw a man that I had never met before at the restaurant next to Sonic wearing a Robinson soccer shirt with the HH on the sleeve. Whether he knows it or not, he is honoring our baby just by wearing that shirt! I needed a Hayes tinted moment today, and I surely received one.
March 18, 2014: Sweet soccer girls
Cody and I were asked to attend the last district home game for my old Robinson Rocket girls team. It also doubled as their senior night but they had something up their sleeves. After the senior girls were announced, the announcer started talking about Hayes and tears began to stream down my face. The girls released balloons in honor of Hayes before their game. What a sweet sentiment! They gave me a blue and white rose, a balloon and a soccer ball with all their signatures on it. This soccer ball will go into Hayes' nursery. As Cody and I watched as the balloons floated out of sight, he leaned over to me and said, "Hayes likes watching the balloons." I know Hayes had a huge smile on his face as the balloons drifted towards him in Heaven. (PS...our girls also won 2-1. I bet there was a little nugget in Heaven cheering them on!)
April 16, 2014: Under construction
There is so much construction on the highway where we live. Cody and I like to joke that it may never get done. As I was driving to Temple for a dr's appt, I looked over at some of the construction taking place on the access road. And what do I see? There is a plastic barrier of some sort with a date spray painted on it. What date did I see? Of course it was my baby Hayes' birthday. I obviously had to pull over and take a picture.
April 17th, 2014: While praying
I always pray on my way to work while listening to K-Love. I thank Jesus for all our many blessings and also thank him for watching over Hayes. While praying this morning, I said out loud, "Hayes, I would love to hear your song this morning." My little man always comes through. Less than 15 seconds later, the song that was playing ended, and Oceans (Hayes' song) began to play. What a perfect start to my day knowing my sweet baby is asking Jesus to play a song for his Mommy to let me know he hears me.
