Sweetest of Dreams

Dreams are always so interesting to me. Why does our mind come up with such creative little movies while we are alseep? Was it something I watched. Something I said. Something I overheard. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there that have researched and come up with exuberant answers of why people have dreams, but I'm not looking into it. I'm sure it's quite a few scientific words that are way above my intellect.

However, I enjoy when I have sweet dreams. Lately, I've been having dreams of Hayes. Dreams where my mind has come up with what he would have looked  like as a teenager. Silly things he would have done as a child. His first steps. These dreams always have me waking up with a smile and at the same time I'm sad when they are over because these are moments that I won't get to experience with him. But, I'm glad I get to at least have these special moments with him in my dreams. Maybe it's God's way of giving me glimpses into our world with Hayes, even though he's not physically here with us.

My favorite dream of Hayes was a few nights ago. It was so vivid that I think Hayes was giving me a little insight into what he has been doing these last few months. In my dream, I was at my Granny and Grandpa Miller's old house. (They have both passed away in recent years.) My Granny came to get me from the kitchen and my Grandpa was motioning me to come and join them outside. At first I was hesitant but I soon learned that there was a party taking place. (We always went to their house for holidays and played outside because they had so much land.) There were people I recognized, but there were also people I didn't recognize. One man walked up to me and told me he was from the Rosario side of the family. The more I looked around, it looked like it was a party for a child. Then my Granny walked me over to a picnic table, and there was Hayes, sitting in a high chair smiling and laughing. The next thing I knew, he was out of the high chair and running to me and jumping into my arms. I can't describe how happy I was at that very moment...and then I woke up.

The smile that came across my face was probably the biggest smile I've ever had, other than when I got to see Hayes' sweet face for the very first time. These smiles were probably comparable. I struggled to go back to sleep with all these happy thoughts running through my head. I was so excited! My family members in Heaven are celebrating with Hayes every single day. It's always a party and he is just fine. He's always happy with our loved ones surrounding and taking care of him. Even family members that I may have never met before are watching over Hayes. They are always taking care of our little boy. And then when I do get to see Hayes again, he's going to know who I am right way and run and jump in my arms.

March 5th

March 5th will always be an important day for Cody and I. March 5, 2013 is the day we got the best phone call from a doctor telling us that our long struggle of infertility was over and we were finally pregnant. There was so much excitement, tears of joy, and a sense of relief that we were finally going to be parents after a nearly three year struggle. So many thoughts ran through my head that day. Is it a boy or girl? Will it be twins? What will our baby grow up to become? There was never a sense of worry or fear.

 

March 5th marks the day we found out we were going to have a baby. Little did we know that this day would also signify the day that we learned that I had a little soldier for Heaven growing inside me. Jesus knew how important this little baby would be. Even though we didn't know whether or not we were having a boy or girl, God knew we had Hayes growing and God also knew that he was going to be His soldier.

 

Our baby is a soldier in Heaven! This thought makes me smile. I picture our Hayes as the little soldier that was drawn by Precious Moments creator, Sam Butcher. The drawing is titled, Onward Christian Soldier. It's a little boy holding a shield and sword, his helmet is too big and covering one eye, (almost like my favorite picture of Hayes, except it's his NICU blanket covering one eye) there are a few bandages on his face, but he's smiling. I know our Hayes is a soldier in Heaven for us, fighting for us to continue to get stronger and smiling the entire time. He has the most precious smile. Even though I only saw it for a split second, his smile is forever engraved in my memory. March 5th. What a beautiful day. WE will forever be parents.