Second walk to celebrate our fighter

As a way to celebrate Hayes and his fight well fought, we will continue to raise funds for March of Dimes. This coming April we will walk in our second March for Babies, and Cody and I know that we will take part in this yearly. Our family was touched by the efforts of the NICU nurses and doctors, and March of Dimes supports the families in the NICU. Whether it's the medicine that has been researched and discovered, holding events like Donuts for Dads on Father's Day, or just providing a meal for families who are fighting alongside their babies, March of Dimes makes a difference. Our family will always be advocates for this foundation.

www.marchforbabies.org/angelhayes

We have designed a shirt that is available for purchase until February 20th of 2015, through Booster.com . This will also serve as a way to honor Hayes and his steadfast fight of 11 hours and 11 minutes and to share our family motto of "Hayes Tough" with everyone. All proceeds made from the purchase of this shirt will go directly to our March for Babies 2015 team. Please join us in honoring our Hayes and let's show the world together what it means to be Hayes Tough.

www.booster.com/hayestough

Hayes is listening

Over the past few months, I've noticed that I have not seen as many Hayes tinted moments as I/we once were. Those moments would brighten my day and they always seemed to show themselves when I needed them the most.

Two weeks ago, as I was sitting in Hayes' nursery, I asked him if he could start sending me my Hayes tinted moments again. I missed them, almost as much as I miss him daily.

Well, of course my little man was listening. Since that moment two weeks ago Hayes has given me five Hayes tinted moments and two of them were moments that were shown to friends, which they shared with me.

I think I enjoy the tinted moments he gives my friends the most. It lets me know that not only are my dear friends thinking about my sweet boy, but he is watching over them as well in that very moment. I believe all the moments he gives me is just a reminder that he will never leave us. He's always listening and always near.

The first one came while I was walking around Target. It's always somewhat hard to go to Target because that is one of the places I registered for gifts when I was pregnant with Hayes. Gifts he never got to play with. As my mind began to wander, my sweet friend from high school sent me this picture.

She said she was thinking about Hayes and when she looked at the car in front of her, the license plate said it all.

The second came from my fellow Baylor soccer teammate, whom I call BFF, and as she was registering her daughter for her first soccer league, a name on the roster looked quite familiar.

All such beautiful moments sent from above with love. All from a little boy who loves his family and their friends more than words can express. All from a little boy who hears his Mom and sends her little reminders when she needs them the most that he isn't far away. I thank Jesus for letting these Hayes moments shine through.

Who would he have become?

I spoke to my husband about this on our way home from dinner the other night. This question has popped into my head so many times over the last several months. As a school teacher, I'm surrounded by kids all day. As I look out upon my class, I begin to wonder, "Who would Hayes have acted like?" "Who would he have been friends with?" "Would he be athletic?" . "Would he have been an A+ student, or would he have had a learning disability since he was born so early and battled so hard?" These questions have swirled and swirled and have been creeping into the forefront of my mind

We'll never know the answer to these questions. And I've come to determine, that's okay. Jesus knows who Hayes would have become, and I believe he gets to become that little boy in Heaven.

I also wonder, how old will Hayes be in Heaven when he meets us at the gates? Cody and I talk about this often, and we've decided he will be the age Jesus needs him to be for us. How do we imagine him? I see him as a little boy, possibly five or six. He has blonde hair and the sweetest smile I've ever seen. He can throw and kick a ball, just like he would have done with us in the front yard. I see him as a playful little boy full of wonder.

I've always loved the MercyMe song, I Can Only Imagine. The first time I ever heard this song was while I was attending Chapel at Baylor my freshman year. I was so caught up in the song that tears welled up in my eyes and I got chills because these were the most beautiful lyrics I had ever heard with such a powerful message. Every time I have heard it since that morning in Chapel way back in '02, I do imagine meeting Jesus for the very first time. Now, this song also hits me in a new way. I still imagine meeting Jesus, but I also begin to imagine seeing my baby boy again. The first two verses speak to me...

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

While I'm still hear on this Earth, all I can do is imagine. What will it be like to feel Hayes' hand fit into mine and walk through Heaven with him by my side? What will his precious little face look like when we're reunited for the first time? I told Cody about this several months ago and on Christmas this year, he finally told me what he envisions when he now hears this song.

When he gets to Heaven, Jesus sits him down on a bench while this song plays. Cody can see Hayes playing in a field with out sweet dog, Buddy Lee. Cody wants to run to him, but Jesus tells him to wait because he wants to show him something. He shows Cody a type of slideshow that reveals to him everything Hayes has done and accomplished since he came to be with Jesus on August 9, 2013. Jesus also shows Cody Hayes' reactions to many of the things that we did on Earth since he passed, like how he reacted when he saw us hold his baby sister for the first time. He doesn't know how long the slideshow lasts, but he says it's a good while because there were so many things that we all did. Then, at the end of the slideshow, Jesus asks Cody if he's ready to hold his son again and when Cody replies yes, Jesus calls Hayes' name. When Hayes looks up, he knows Cody is his Daddy and runs over to him and jumps into his arms.

We both can only imagine.