Who would he have become?

I spoke to my husband about this on our way home from dinner the other night. This question has popped into my head so many times over the last several months. As a school teacher, I'm surrounded by kids all day. As I look out upon my class, I begin to wonder, "Who would Hayes have acted like?" "Who would he have been friends with?" "Would he be athletic?" . "Would he have been an A+ student, or would he have had a learning disability since he was born so early and battled so hard?" These questions have swirled and swirled and have been creeping into the forefront of my mind

We'll never know the answer to these questions. And I've come to determine, that's okay. Jesus knows who Hayes would have become, and I believe he gets to become that little boy in Heaven.

I also wonder, how old will Hayes be in Heaven when he meets us at the gates? Cody and I talk about this often, and we've decided he will be the age Jesus needs him to be for us. How do we imagine him? I see him as a little boy, possibly five or six. He has blonde hair and the sweetest smile I've ever seen. He can throw and kick a ball, just like he would have done with us in the front yard. I see him as a playful little boy full of wonder.

I've always loved the MercyMe song, I Can Only Imagine. The first time I ever heard this song was while I was attending Chapel at Baylor my freshman year. I was so caught up in the song that tears welled up in my eyes and I got chills because these were the most beautiful lyrics I had ever heard with such a powerful message. Every time I have heard it since that morning in Chapel way back in '02, I do imagine meeting Jesus for the very first time. Now, this song also hits me in a new way. I still imagine meeting Jesus, but I also begin to imagine seeing my baby boy again. The first two verses speak to me...

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

While I'm still hear on this Earth, all I can do is imagine. What will it be like to feel Hayes' hand fit into mine and walk through Heaven with him by my side? What will his precious little face look like when we're reunited for the first time? I told Cody about this several months ago and on Christmas this year, he finally told me what he envisions when he now hears this song.

When he gets to Heaven, Jesus sits him down on a bench while this song plays. Cody can see Hayes playing in a field with out sweet dog, Buddy Lee. Cody wants to run to him, but Jesus tells him to wait because he wants to show him something. He shows Cody a type of slideshow that reveals to him everything Hayes has done and accomplished since he came to be with Jesus on August 9, 2013. Jesus also shows Cody Hayes' reactions to many of the things that we did on Earth since he passed, like how he reacted when he saw us hold his baby sister for the first time. He doesn't know how long the slideshow lasts, but he says it's a good while because there were so many things that we all did. Then, at the end of the slideshow, Jesus asks Cody if he's ready to hold his son again and when Cody replies yes, Jesus calls Hayes' name. When Hayes looks up, he knows Cody is his Daddy and runs over to him and jumps into his arms.

We both can only imagine.